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Talk:Boogeyman
New Ending I've taken advice, and I've decided to completely change the ending. I know it origininally left people wanting more, so I feel like I've wrapped it up well now. Let me know what you think. Thanks!Linkotan 17:10, January 8, 2012 (UTC) This page has had its OC tag removed as it was not listed on the User Submissions page. If you want to put the OC tag back on, please add it to the User Submissions page. Failure to add an OC page to the Submissions page THREE times will result in a 3 day suspension from editing. ClericofMadness 17:13, October 1, 2011 (UTC) My bad. Linkotan 18:39, October 1, 2011 (UTC) EDIT: Took care of it. Sorry for the misunderstanding. Linkotan 19:06, October 1, 2011 (UTC) ForgottenxDreams 03:02, October 6, 2011 (UTC) Alright. Great pasta asside from the ending. Probably one of the best I've read. But I didn't understand the ending. Care to explain? Well first, thanks for the kind words! Second, the ending simply is as stands. I've considered adding to it; however, I've never come up with anything less than cliche. I kind of like the ending of just not knowing what happens to everyone; but I get why people don't dig it too. It is what it is. Linkotan 03:06, October 6, 2011 (UTC) By the way... This short story has been entered into a short story contest. If any of you don't mind voting for it here: Contest, then that would be super-helpful to me. Thanks! Linkotan 03:00, October 26, 2011 (UTC) Jared, thank you for your submission to the Fantasy Island Book Publishing "Scare Our Pants Off" Scary Story Contest View a preview of each of the submissions to our Scary Story Contest http://bit.ly/qBn2y7 Get your friends to vote at http://on.fb.me/oC9Cdf Some Advice This story is pretty good. just some advice: The major one: Show, don't tell. Instead of bluntly explaining everything about the character at once. It seems a little awkward and forced to have a sudden exposition dump. I know it's hard when you're trying to introduce a character really quickly in a brief story, but it's better to have situations explain a character rather than just telling the reader all about the character and how that character feels. That is, saying " Miguel based dating and relationships mainly on the physical; and Jessica met those needs", is being a little too direct, and it really isn't how people think, they're not terribly honest with themselves. Instead, maybe have Miguel lying to himself and trying to convince himself that there's more to him liking Jessica, but it's obvious that he's just focusing on the physical attributes. It's all about giving the audience some credit and letting them figure out the chracter's motivation instead of telling them about it. It's far more satisfying for the reader. Secondly, the ending. A lot of stories have ambiguous endings, that's fine, but this one seemes really incomplete and sudden. Usually, if you're going to have an ambiguous ending, at least one thing should be resolved, a character arc or an act of literary irony, or even a sort of theme or imagery should be brought to an end. I think it mostly feels sudden and unsatisfying because you spend the better part of the story telling us about the character, details about his life, a date he's going to go on, but none of these have any relevance in the climax or denouement, they just were. Again, you do a pretty OK job, the setting is well painted, the image of a crumbling neighborhood is very vivid. You just need to work on your story structure and exposition. Lazyladylisa 03:30, October 27, 2011 (UTC) Wait, what? Read the whole pasta, but I'm still confused. Why didn't the police see what he did? If he was hallucinating, what triggered the illusion? And why did his two family members tell him to "come with them"? Crimsonwoes 03:33, January 24, 2012 (UTC) spanish stuff i can't help to notice that some words and phrases in spanish are kinda wrong is "tacos de lengua" no "lengua tacos" did you just google translate that or what? anyway, can I change it? Recolector22 09:38, March 1, 2012 (UTC)apparently quite the noobster, The Boogeyman tickles bad kids in there sleep. He doesn't kill.Meow Meow the Baconed Cheese Unicorn (talk) 05:30, December 9, 2012 (UTC)